Ups and downs
Ya know...I really haven't updated this thing, have I? I've honestly been bored with blogging lately. I've been keeping myself busy, but I just really don't have the enthusiasm as I used with putting up stuff on this website. On top of that, the last few weeks of posts have been so blah, so routine, so middle-of-the-road bland...One friend pointed that I used the term "needless to say" in almost EVERY post in a two-week period. Another friend likens this blog to sounding like an AP wire release and as a result, one doesn't really get a sense of what I'm feeling in my blog. So, taking all of this into consideration, I'm going to try to change things up a bit....How so, I'm not sure, but we'll see... :-)
The two words that probably describe my state of being at the moment are satisfaction and frustration. What? Is that somebody I hear saying, "Geez, that's the most stupid thing you've ever typed!"? But it's true. I am very satisfied with how things have been going with work. In fact, I've got my hands in several projects which have kept things interesting and busy for me lately. I love my living situation. I've got the best roommates and neighbor in the world. In fact, my roommates and I just renewed the lease on our place. I've got a great set of friends as evidenced by the couple of gatherings I went to over the Fourth of July. There was a fun pool party at KL's place and CN had a nice part on Saturday that was capped off by a viewing of "Pink Lady and Jeff." And on top of all that, I've made some pretty cool new friends over the past couple months.
Warning...the following contains a rambling rant on my lack of success in the dating arena....proceed with caution...
But ya know, there's been this underlying frustration to this. And what does this frustration center on? * drum roll * DATING * crash * Yeah, no big surprise there. It's the topic I won't stop bitching about. Ever since the little dark period I when through with DF when I finally professed my feelings to him and it fell on deaf ears, I've tried my best to move on and try dating. If you don't count the couple of months I was in a relationship with TT last fall/winter, I really had not dated in over a year. Around March, I started "getting out there" again. And since then, I've been on a handful of "first meetings" with people. See...I can't even bring myself to calling them "dates." I mean, what is the meaning of "dating?" This is a big argument NV, TB, LL, JA, and I last night. Is it the first initial meeting in person or does one get into "dating" once one starts seeing another person on a regular basis. And why do I neuroticize about such pointless terminology? And did I just make up a word by typing "neuroticize????"
Arrrgh...sorry...it's the frustration seeping through. And here's the pattern I've been noticing with these people I've met over the past few months. The ones I see whom I end up taking a liking to (following the pattern I've had over the past years) end up just wanting to be friends or tell me that they're "not ready for a relationship." And those that want to progress from "first meetings" to "dating" are either nutcases, dull as doornails, or live in a different county. (That's COUNTY, not country...but because of how spread out L.A. is, you might as well be living in a different country.)
And probably what's adding to the frustration is the fact that a good number of friends in recent months have been getting beyond that "first meeting" and going into "dating." I mean, hell...I haven't been able to get beyond a "second date/meeting" in months. Since moving out here four years ago, the longest relationship I've been in has lasted three months. And if I had a dime everybody told me, "oh, it will happen when it happens" or "you'll find him when you least expect it," I'd have a nice hunk of change. But it kinda loses its meaning when you've been through a lot of duds, be it somebody who's a freak or somebody who's for once normal, but has no interest beyond a friendship.
And in looking at it in retrospect, I think that what's contributing to the frustration is that nobody has really ignited that spark that I had and still have to some degree have with DF. I mean, I'm sure you've had that experience where you meet somebody for the first time and you're immediately on the same wavelength. There's none of that thinking ahead and manuevering to make sure you say the right thing or explaining yourself when you make some odd reference. I dunno, maybe I've just set some unnecessarily high standard of what I'm really looking for in a guy, but given that, I did almost find a perfect match...the problem was, I wasn't a match for him. Fortunately, even with everything out in the open, he and I are still good friends. But still, I just wonder if there's anybody else around my age with who can produce that same "zing."
Geez, in an effort to divulge more about own personal travails, I think I've just typed a rambling mess of whiny lovesick bullshit. But I won't hit the "re-edit" button That's how these damn things get sterilized before they're put online here.
I know, I've got a lot to be grateful for, and like I said, I am very satisfied. I've accomplished a lot and I'm at a point in my life which I never thought I'd be in. But conversely, there's still that one big missing piece in my life that I just wonder...if I am able to achieve what I have in such little time, then why in the hell can't am I such a screwup when it comes to dating?
Feel free to line-up outside my house to slap some sense into me if my ranting is needless...or you can simply sned your slap to me via E-mail. :-)
Ya know...I really haven't updated this thing, have I? I've honestly been bored with blogging lately. I've been keeping myself busy, but I just really don't have the enthusiasm as I used with putting up stuff on this website. On top of that, the last few weeks of posts have been so blah, so routine, so middle-of-the-road bland...One friend pointed that I used the term "needless to say" in almost EVERY post in a two-week period. Another friend likens this blog to sounding like an AP wire release and as a result, one doesn't really get a sense of what I'm feeling in my blog. So, taking all of this into consideration, I'm going to try to change things up a bit....How so, I'm not sure, but we'll see... :-)
The two words that probably describe my state of being at the moment are satisfaction and frustration. What? Is that somebody I hear saying, "Geez, that's the most stupid thing you've ever typed!"? But it's true. I am very satisfied with how things have been going with work. In fact, I've got my hands in several projects which have kept things interesting and busy for me lately. I love my living situation. I've got the best roommates and neighbor in the world. In fact, my roommates and I just renewed the lease on our place. I've got a great set of friends as evidenced by the couple of gatherings I went to over the Fourth of July. There was a fun pool party at KL's place and CN had a nice part on Saturday that was capped off by a viewing of "Pink Lady and Jeff." And on top of all that, I've made some pretty cool new friends over the past couple months.
Warning...the following contains a rambling rant on my lack of success in the dating arena....proceed with caution...
But ya know, there's been this underlying frustration to this. And what does this frustration center on? * drum roll * DATING * crash * Yeah, no big surprise there. It's the topic I won't stop bitching about. Ever since the little dark period I when through with DF when I finally professed my feelings to him and it fell on deaf ears, I've tried my best to move on and try dating. If you don't count the couple of months I was in a relationship with TT last fall/winter, I really had not dated in over a year. Around March, I started "getting out there" again. And since then, I've been on a handful of "first meetings" with people. See...I can't even bring myself to calling them "dates." I mean, what is the meaning of "dating?" This is a big argument NV, TB, LL, JA, and I last night. Is it the first initial meeting in person or does one get into "dating" once one starts seeing another person on a regular basis. And why do I neuroticize about such pointless terminology? And did I just make up a word by typing "neuroticize????"
Arrrgh...sorry...it's the frustration seeping through. And here's the pattern I've been noticing with these people I've met over the past few months. The ones I see whom I end up taking a liking to (following the pattern I've had over the past years) end up just wanting to be friends or tell me that they're "not ready for a relationship." And those that want to progress from "first meetings" to "dating" are either nutcases, dull as doornails, or live in a different county. (That's COUNTY, not country...but because of how spread out L.A. is, you might as well be living in a different country.)
And probably what's adding to the frustration is the fact that a good number of friends in recent months have been getting beyond that "first meeting" and going into "dating." I mean, hell...I haven't been able to get beyond a "second date/meeting" in months. Since moving out here four years ago, the longest relationship I've been in has lasted three months. And if I had a dime everybody told me, "oh, it will happen when it happens" or "you'll find him when you least expect it," I'd have a nice hunk of change. But it kinda loses its meaning when you've been through a lot of duds, be it somebody who's a freak or somebody who's for once normal, but has no interest beyond a friendship.
And in looking at it in retrospect, I think that what's contributing to the frustration is that nobody has really ignited that spark that I had and still have to some degree have with DF. I mean, I'm sure you've had that experience where you meet somebody for the first time and you're immediately on the same wavelength. There's none of that thinking ahead and manuevering to make sure you say the right thing or explaining yourself when you make some odd reference. I dunno, maybe I've just set some unnecessarily high standard of what I'm really looking for in a guy, but given that, I did almost find a perfect match...the problem was, I wasn't a match for him. Fortunately, even with everything out in the open, he and I are still good friends. But still, I just wonder if there's anybody else around my age with who can produce that same "zing."
Geez, in an effort to divulge more about own personal travails, I think I've just typed a rambling mess of whiny lovesick bullshit. But I won't hit the "re-edit" button That's how these damn things get sterilized before they're put online here.
I know, I've got a lot to be grateful for, and like I said, I am very satisfied. I've accomplished a lot and I'm at a point in my life which I never thought I'd be in. But conversely, there's still that one big missing piece in my life that I just wonder...if I am able to achieve what I have in such little time, then why in the hell can't am I such a screwup when it comes to dating?
Feel free to line-up outside my house to slap some sense into me if my ranting is needless...or you can simply sned your slap to me via E-mail. :-)
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